<nettime> Olympic etiquette for the 2000 Games

[Phil Graham <phil.graham@mailbox.uq.edu.au>]

I don't know where this cam from, but Tim Gaze sent it to me

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Following you'll find some very helpful hints for any overseas visitors
wondering about Olympic etiquette Sydney-style. Please pass them on to
anyone you suspect might need them.

Bonus points for passing on to our UK visitors!

When in the water at Bondi, always be sure to wave enthusiastically to the
lifeguard, so he'll know exactly where you are.

The tolls on the harbour bridge are voluntary. You should only contribute
if the toll officer sings for you, or at the very least plays an
instrument.

When visiting the top restaurant the Rockpool, be sure to joke with Neil
Perry about how he lost his Good Food Guide hats last year. Neil is very
relaxed about it, and finds the jokes "hilarious".

It is traditional to bargain with Sydney taxi drivers over the fare. On no
account pay what is on the meter, as this will be sure to cause offence.

Before attempting the traditional climb of the Opera House sails, always
remove your shoes.

Money lost at the Star City Casino is refundable at the end of the night.
Just have a word to one of the kindly security guards.

You'll find Kerry Packer's luxury yacht, Arctic P, moored in the harbour.
Just clamber aboard, as Kerry loves surprises.

The Olympic "Clearway" lanes are kept completely clear of traffic so as to
provide cheap parking.

The monorail is no longer in service. The metal track, though, is now
available to American visitors for rollerblading, or simple sunbaking.

When surfing at Bondi, do not be surprised if a hooter sounds and the
swimmers around you head for the shore. This is a local custom to allow
our visitors to have uncrowded enjoyment of the waves.....and if you
happen to have a shark appear - they are very tame and love to be patted
on the nose.

Sydneysiders love to hear constructive feedback especially if given with
our favourite accent: British. If you can think of any way to improve our
city - perhaps in your country you've found a better way to do something-
tell the Sydneysiders you meet in as much detail as you can. They'll thank
you for it.

Tourists crossing the Harbour Bridge will be pleased to know that Bureau
de Change offices are installed in all lanes, where you can charge your
home currency for Australian dollars. Feel free to haggle to get the best
exchange rate.

Sydney has vibrant drinking houses and a lively tradition to match. Join
in the fun by following a local custom - after every third drink, catch
the eye of as many people as possible and call out loudly, "It's my
shout!".

If sunburnt while in Sydney. A good remedy is to sleep naked between fresh
bed sheets, which have had a hand full of Bondi sand sprinkled liberally
between them.

While bathing in the Harbour remember that any Jelly Blubbers you may swim
into can be used to beef up your bra or sluggo size. These do-it-yourself
beauty enhancements come in many different sizes and colours and are GST
free.

Keep an eye out for one of the hundreds of delightful creatures that
decorate our beautiful beaches, The Blue Bottle. You'll have hours of fun
picking these creatures up by the tail and swinging overhead.

Visitors to Sydney will notice a unique road service provided to assist
tourists: special sightseer lanes on the Harbour Bridge and elsewhere,
marked B-U-S, which stands for Banned Unless Sightseeing.

Don't worry about getting to the station early - Sydney trains always run
on time.

The 'T" lane means Tourist Lane, so that Tourists can stop on the Harbour
Bridge to look at the Opera House.

Small silver scooters are ubiquitous throughout the city and are provided
free by the State Transit Authority....just approach someone riding one
and ask them firmly to give up the scooter...they may protest...but don't
be put off. You may need to physcially wrest the scooter from the other
rider.

Unless you have 'top cover' travel insurance, do not attempt to drive
across the Harbour Bridge as the trip up and over the arch is extremely
hazardous.

Should any visitors have any problems when travelling please call 9333
1000 where the large number of helpful staff will offer all advice and
assistance.

Vegemite is a very mild flavoured chocolate for putting on bread. To fully
appreciate it you should spread it at least 1 inch thick.

Most Australian families leave all their clothes at the front door ( a bit
like the Japanese do with their shoes). If you are invited to an Aussies
home, disrobe as soon as you enter the front door.

When a local says he's going to "shoot through" take it literally - and
run for your life.

If you want to see kangaroos, stand on George Street at 5.05 pm and yell
"cooee" five times - reminding them to come out of their burrows under the
Queen Vic building.

'When visiting the Opera House - rows A to K are best for mobile phone
reception and for flash photography....

The viewing windows from the Sydney Harbour Tunnel are open to the public
outside peak hour. The best access is via the southbound tunnel: parking
is provided at intervals along the tunnel.

Due to the huge number of international tourists visiting our city and
touring around the countryside, the government has decided to temporarily
amend the road rules. All tourists will be allowed to drive on the right
side of the road until the end of the Olympics.

The locals at Bondi Beach have invented their own competition. So far Mark
form Ireland has managed to consecutively hit 4 tennis balls directly onto
the volleyball court from the beach. Anyone who beats this record will
have their name recorded in the local newspaper's special Olympic edition.

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Opinions expressed in this email are my own unless otherwise stated. Phil
Graham, Lecturer (Communication), Graduate School of Management University
of Queensland, Ph:  617 3381 1083; Fax:  617 3381 1083; Mobile 0401 737
315; homepage: www.uq.edu.au/~uqpgraha
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